I don't know what to do. I feel so worn out emotionally. Everyone is having troubles being sensitive and tense, bc it's hightime at Poly where massive assignments are underway. My mom said something the other day that had me flying into a rage of tears. She commented about how I was a bad child to her bc I didn't format my life around her. Bc I didn't do everything she said. Bc I didn't turn out like her. I am sorry to say I didn't. If one of her ambitions was for her daughter to become like her, it didn't pull through and I am extremely befallen that she didn't get her wishes. She has given the world to me, showed me everything I know and will or should know and believe. But the fact of the matter is, I need to become my own person. The person that I live for should be someone I like and have grown into. Not something molded by a woman who has been trying to control everything in the hopes of keeping whatever bit of familiarity in her life she was left. And I feel sorry for her. Every inch of the pain that she feels goes out to the depths of my heart. I also feel pain for myself; the pain which she caused me. Always having to hear that you were never good enough trampedes on your soul, and it causes you a lot of stress and anger. I feel as if I will never be able to heal, that I will always see myself as lower than low class, and I don't know if she can see this. I know she does everything in my best interest, but what she doesn't realize is she should have let me develop into the person I wanted to be, instead of trying to prevent every mistake which happened to her form happening to me. Life works in weird ways and so does God, and I firmly believe that those ways are good for the your own journey through life. The road is hard and rough to get to the destination you are to achieve, and if you do achieve this, in the end it's all worthwhile.
