Hmmm...Im updating again. My organic teacher on friday asked me why I wasn't coming to class. I had missed class like 2 times in a row and he asked to speak to me after class. I was a bit worried bc he seems to have no heart, as ppl say. But when I told him I had been sick and I didn't want to go to the doctor until my dad had changed the insurance, he seemed very open and honest. What was scarier is that he was sympathetic to me. Somehow questions led to other questions and he found out my dad hasn't had a job in two years. So he said he's going to take that into consideration while grading. I felt a bit odd about that. I know it may have been a streak of good luck, but I have always hated good luck....not bc I mind getting chances, but bc it seems every time something bad happens, the streak of good luck is supposed to accomodate for my worser circumstances. I'd rather just be the one who does work hard and gets what they want, instead of going through this whole string of chaotic events and then slowly climbing down to a good ending. You know what I mean? It's like my life is the damn sine curve. Yea I know someone is going to say everyone's life is. If that is you,I refer you back to my last two entries. But the amplitude of things going wrong in my life seems to be huge. I can never seem to figure out why. I think a lot of people ask me why I don't seem to enjoy life when it is good, and I tell them this. I'm like a kid in the ghetto where you hear gunshots everyday. Just because there is one day that you don't hear them, doesn't mean you're going to hesitate to duck when you think they're gonna come.
On a lighter note, the whole Professor incident made me feel weird. I don't like getting sympathy from people. Although I do admit that it has it's pluses and gives me some leniency when I'd need it, I feel bad for it. I feel like I'm someone who doesn't deserve the sympathy they're getting, or I just don't need it. Blah. Anyways, I am happy for him to be able to understand my situation, bc that is not something that happens very often. I think I'm bipolar or something. Maybe some other personality disorder. What's sad tho, is I really was a sweet girl under it all. If only someone would have seen that during the time it was coming. I'm recovering though. I really feel a lot better than I did a week ago. I still just feel like I'm buried under my emotions.
