I'm feeling alive...it's this giddy feeling in the pit of my heart, when it beats it tells me "berlina there is something to live for any you know it" i shouldn't hang my heart in my sleave and let it get hurt...but i do. I've always been so downright open and honest about everything. Partially because I hated liars, I hated people who deceived, I hated him. I think for the first time in my life I'm realizing that I don't have to let what he did run my life. Maybe it has possibly helped bring me down and ruin me, but I can still be happy. Yes I know it sounds negative. Facing something like this isn't like eating a piece of prize winning marble cake...sometimes I'm up, sometimes I'm down. I just want to be me. I know it's gonna take a lot to uncover the rut he made and find me and dig me back up...but ya know, I am not a bad person. I'm someone giving and caring...and optimistic when the time comes. I seek out those in need and help them. Does this making me a fucking saint? No. You can't be the judge of that. But I am one step above the man who feels his needs are above everyone else's...so that is a great start. Imagine what would happen in ten or two years if I improved? ^_~ I'd be happenin'- I'd be great. I would be so amazingly unbelievable and superb. I know I have it in me to be a charmer. And yes I believe within me, I can be happy. Not just happy "rah the knicks won" but happy as in "life is so amazing". I think it's something along the lines of learning to skate...you can never know until you try.
I am not annoying. I also realized the people who hate me are people who I have let hate me...bc I bugged them to the point because I really didn't want them to judge me. I'd rather have people who I hate hate me, then have them like me and think things about me that are entirely untrue. I gotta hand it to myself, I can be of evil creed when I wanna be :D. Some people just piss me off, so in turn my way of dealing with it is by not letting them get to know me...since I am a pretty incredible person, they miss out on a lot.
