I am writing to you because there has been a recent change in plans. Because of the ongoing events in my life, I am no longer able to maintain this journal. When I first started out this journal, I needed a place for my thoughts and daily activities, and I wrote in this quite frequently. I wanted to share my experience with others. I wanted to strike some type of chord in someone, to possibly provoke people to think in order to become better people. As I have realized, this plan had a major loophole. That loophole is me. There has never been something done for me, truly given to me, by my own heart. I have never thought to take care of myself, I was the liaison, the one who served to show people what they felt. Whatever I created within myself, was a monster. It has turned loose on me, and it is eating me away. Disintegrating my nerves and spinal cord, and I have no where to run or hide. Maybe Ralph was right. Do things for people who appreciate you, and do it in little amounts. Because in the end there will be nothing left for me. Maybe that is what is happening now. I have nothing left for myself. I've given all of it up. I want something for myself. I am in need. And I know I have to start doing things for myself and be good to myself. Because in the end that's the only person I will have to rely on- myself.
So now this journal is going to be only for the one person I love most,or should :Myself.
