I told myself I wasn't blogging before my midterm but I don't keep any promises much do i eh? She's so annoying me right now it's not even funny. I mean how am i supposed to figure out who i am, go through college, find out what i want out of life, if she won't let me even breathe. Or think for myself. Oh wait, let's see HOW ABOUT LIVE FOR MYSELF. She's always been like this, since the day I was born it was her duty in life to make sure I don't become something worse in life than her. And in trying to do that, she has managed to make my life a complete living hell. She won't admit that her problems seem to extend more from me, and that I am living a completely different situation. You know those parents who end up not going to Harvard and regret it for the rest of their lives? And then they make their child go through the whole shit to live their dreams. Yea, well this is it, only tenfold. If she doesn't have control, she's a freaking monkey about it,aping around til her death to suite what she wants. We suite her needs only because we have to, because without that once of control she will suddenly go nuts. It's not even major PMS. Me and my brother have termed it "What the fuck did we do??! O.o" syndrome. Usually with the brush of my hand, and finding the exact thing she needs to settle down I will deal with the situation calmly and rationally.
Now, I go nuts. I can't help it. I am trying to figure out how I am supposed to do things. How my dad doesn't have a job and I'm supposed to pay for college. How I can do my best and be my own person, and possibly be the most adaptive person on the place of the planet thanks to her weird out of the blue tantrums. I change my world to suite her mood, I color coordinate my wardrobe to fix my dad's bickering, and I am so sick and tired of it. I don't care what fucking colors I wear, wearing white doesn't dub me a slut, and neither does wearing black. What I'm complaining about, if you don't get it in the last two paragraphs, is that fact that I can't even sit and think to myself without my mother telling me when to drink water, when to go to the bathroom, went to eat, when to study, when to practically do everything. She will sit and plan out my future, then come and ask me what she thinks, but she won't even take into consideration what I feel or how I want things. Pssshhht. Okay, I am done now.
