What's that song that goes "it's 3 am I must be lonely," it's 4 am I must be extra lonely. I can't sleep. I dont know why, but something just hit me like a ton of bricks. I hate when it happens. All of a sudden all your thoughts come crashing. There's so many things this little girl has to do...
I'm jumpy. Shrink says a mental breakdown is soon to come. I didnt know they could calculate these things. You, Ms B, will have a breakdown in 2.4 days and it is because of your overexerting and if you do not stop now the consequences will hit you in approximately one week. It's funny. Rather, I would ask how do I stop. I dont know how to. I have no boundaries seemingly with my family. I feel like I have to be everything to everybody, which probably started when I was very young. Oh well.
I dont know what to say about it. Shrink seems slightly irritated by it. I pity the fool who has to deal with my problems...
If you guys want to watch a very deep video, I recommend is 3 Doors Down- let me go. I love the way that video is directed, I think the timing is very on. It is basically about how someone supposedly loves someone but doesnt know them at all. You know, sometimes we are all interconnected. We dont know the hand that God lays on us until we become the people who we are.
I was on irc and this one guy keeps thinking that Eric and I are the same person and that I am doing some ip spoofing of some sort. You are crazy, little whacky man. He rolls his own cigarettes to save money and swears up and down that it isn't expensive to do. Umm right. I DONT SMOKE. But you should B, you should.
I wish I could sleep. I'm sitting here in a very funky angle, wondering how I can stretch out my back so as not to crush my kidneys.
This is all probably coming out as gibberish and I will scrap this entry. It's good to have some place to put my thoughts though. Do you know that I have given up on relationships. It just happened out of no where. I came to the conclusion that it will never be right, so why not just let it be as it is. I can't help what damage has by this person. Sometimes things happen for a reason.
Now I want to go out for a walk but it's 4 30am. I need some fresh air. It happens to be raining, and the air outside is caressing my feet and it is bliss. I love it when a cool wind breezes past my face and I can feel it's compression against my skin. It's wonderful. I feel like the wind carries everyone's secrets. I can hear someone from the next house tell their mate the darndest things, and I can hear a child's awe at learning to open a box. Simple things like this. Why am I typing. Silly fool, go to bed. I'd like to fall asleep in the arms of a loving soul. I also wish I could catch the wind. or fly with it. Let it take me where it goes. Dont you wish your mind could reboot? I need to reboot. If Jeff read this entry he would so be talking about my hypomania. Yeah YOU BUDDY. :p I love you Jeffie. It's 4 am I must be lonely...
Okay I am forcing myself to go to bed. This is useless. Sometimes I have to be firm with myself. If I had a detachable butt I would kick it and re attach it. Here's good bye for now. :P
